It’s true that you lose weight after a divorce. Not just the weight of another person in your life. During the stress and loss of a divorce, you drop pounds. I dropped about 15 pounds. And then you wake up and start eating again. Which I did. And I was not going to go gain that weight back again, because I had been heavy and miserable before. I am not someone who is curvy and bodacious. I do not carry weight well, not like Marilyn Monroe or the many beautiful curvy women I see every day. I carry weight like it’s a jail sentence. Life without the possibility of parole. Too many years of being plagued by social dysfunction and insecurity. It’s my albatross – my self-esteem issue. I have been heavy and I have been thin and I have been every place in between. And I fucking judged myself every step of the way.
But yoga took that away. In January of 2017, I was done. I was done trying to figure out relationships. I was done trying to pay for a gym membership. I was done with the hours of running and cycling and the 6:00 a.m. work out classes. I was just done. So I made a commitment to myself to do 31 days in a row of yoga. How hard could it be? And so I began doing yoga every day. And I have practiced yoga every damn day since then.
It sounds so middle aged mom hippie chick post-divorce. To say, I practice yoga every day. But here’s the thing. I have a fast-paced career. I have sons that I am trying to raise as good men. I have a mortgage and bills and pets that keep doing shit that requires emergency pet visits. I am learning how to be in a relationship and not fuck it up. And all of that requires breathing. And no one ever teaches you how to breathe. You get shoved out into this jet stream of life and no one says, “You know what, dude? You have to breathe in as well as out. And you also need to take time to just breathe, alone, and to focus on that breathing. Because one day, that breath will stop and all you will have done is basically hyperventilate your way through the shit.”
I didn’t want that anymore. Yoga saved my life. Because of yoga, I kept off the 15 pounds. Because of yoga, I remembered how to breathe. Because of yoga, I can test my limits daily but I don’t have to do it in front of a room full of people. It’s my own challenge. And every damn day, I meet my challenge.
It doesn’t have to be yoga. It can be planting a garden. It can be playing the guitar. It can be prayer. It can be writing a book. It can be learning a language. Whatever it is, if it lets you take some time for yourself to breathe, if that takes you out of judging yourself for some extra pounds, some bills to pay, some relationship issues that you don’t quite know how to fix, then please. Do it. No one else can give you what you can give yourself.
Namaste. My soul honors your soul. I honor the place in you where the whole universe resides. I honor the light, love, truth, beauty, and peace within you, because it is also within me. In sharing these things, we are united, we are the same, we are one.